Going forward

On the eve of my son's 16th birthday, I sit wondering and worrying 'what will it take to get us to where we need to be?'.. I worry that our lives won't be as it should be. I worry that I'm not enough for my boys. But in the misted of all that worrying "I do".. I work hard toward the goals that I set for myself, the goals I set for my boys. We all work. I put pen to paper and made a plan. Putting this plan in motion has not been easy, but Nothing worth having is every easy. My boys has have a few let downs in their young lives. And I will not be one of them. February 1st is a start of our new era. We will hit the ground running and we won't be looking back.

Hold on to your hats ladies and gentlemen... It our time

have you ever

Have you ever just wanted to hate someone so you can get over them??

Well I have ....

Well

I'm trying....

For someone like me who doesn't hate anyone, and pride myself on forgiveness. I'm trying very hard to dislike, even hate someone.. I want to hate so my heart can be free from him.. Be free to love someone, anyone else.. Sad part is that I've tried to replace him (which by the way didn't work). I've tried to move on. Which didn't work either. I was so focus on getting someone new I wasn't true to myself.

Being true to who you are is something I pride myself on. Its what I teach my boys to be. Its something I encourage the people around me to be. So being true to who I am, I have to admit that I still very much love someone who (in my words) don't love me.

I have in the past walked away from relationships that where just not right. From men who tried changing me into what they felt would be a better partner for them. I am not to be changed I am to be accepted, I am to be loved, I am to be respected, I am to be held with pride.

And if you can't do that then you do not deserve to have me in your life.

One sided love can leave you feeling lost and lonely. Lost to finding some one to love you back, and lost to yourself. Loneliness can take over your heart and leave your feeling alone. Unable to love the person that needs love.. Yourself.

As much as I love him, I love myself more. My heart ache when I think of him. But he will never consume my heart.